Comedy – Page 26 – Byron Bowers Live

Valley Nights Tour

Fun week in Texas, first shout out to Valley Comedy Tour, Real Nice Records, and DeLeon Roars. They told me the first show was at Tammyu, which I thought was some Ghetto Chick’s house, but luckily its T.A.M.I.U. (Texas A&M International University). The show was moved from a conference room to the GYM. We get tho the GYM, its a volleyball game going on and the show was suppose to start immediately following the game. Now the game was suppose to last another 30min but the Lady Dust Devils got their ass whipped. So soon as the game ended everybody over 23 got up left, leaving a bunch of freshman. I get up and started performing, iced up and bandage female zombies started creeping out of the locker room and breaking down the volleyball net and stands while Im on stage.(Im sorry I mean, the court) All this chaos going on behind me, I wouldn’t be surprise if somebody would have walked in while I was performing and started shooting free-throws, then when I told him he was interrupted me, he said “Interrupting me…..nigga you’re telling jokes in a Gym, Im working on my free throws, because I have a better chance of making it than you at this point. Now keep those punchlines coming, keep your elbows in, and bend your knees.” Overall it was a good show and great experience.

McAllen TX what great as usual. Great Accommodations, Beautiful people and Great Venue. They had my name on the Marquee. This is one of the first cities that had my name on a marquee this size. I am grateful for this because I fell like I accomplishing something. I will never forget this place. Live On Cine Del Ray.

Now this Marquee on the other hand, humbles the shit out of you. Bring yo back to reality so to speak. I don’t even have to describe how this show went do I…..”FABULOUS” it was in a Mexican owned IRISH PUB. I never imagined no shit like that before. They had quesadillas with potatoes in it. The food was great also.

Here s a couple driving down the street….
“Who’s performing?”
“I don’t know, but I want a beer all of a sudden.”
“Fuck comedy, lets get drunk and talk about this recession.”

My favorite part of TX is this place….San Padre or South Padre (Island, Gulf of Mexico)

It has a Miami feel to it. Im at an fine outside dining establishment and I saw a couple walking on the beach with masked on. WTF, I find out that its red tide. Immediately I started coughing and and spiting. Everybody was coughing and eating their shrimp, coughing and eating their fish, and coughing and drinking the Mondavi Sauvignon Blanc with straws. It was a beautiful day though.

I decided to do some exploring, there is a lot of beach property to go around on this island, but I want it to myself. Sorry.

Tue 10/20Thu 01/19

The Hook Up-Gone Wrong

You ever been in the airport so long the music starts over. They have played every song from the godfather trilogy and the whole score to star wars
What started as a 3 hour flight has turned to me being in the airport for a total of 18 hours. Let me start at the beginning. I was looking for a last minute ticket to Brownsville Texas for the valley night’s tour. When a friend of mine says that a friend of hers claims that a friend of his can get me a ticket. (LOL as I type this shit).
Me, “YOU Sure?”
Her,“Yeah he flys all the time”
Me, “It aint no bullshit stanby?”
Her, “Nope”
Me, Its Legit?
Already too many questions.
Her, “Yeah just give him the itinerary and and $118 dollars two days before your trip and you can fly anywhere in the world.”
Me, “Get the fuck out of here.”
Her, “Nope he in Sloupsko-Sosuvske RIGHT NOW.”
Me, “for $118” like I know where Slapso-Sosuckme is. That shit could be downtown.
So I forward here the itinerary 10 days before the flight and word got back to get him the money Saturday. Two days before the flight. A week and a day go by and I send a text to dropped the money off. Because I heard nothing of a confirmation number or nothing with two days left before the flight. I get a text back to take the money to Wells Fargo and they would send me the account number when I get in the bank. Make sure you know people real name before u do business with them. Because I get in the bank and I received the account number and the name Ahmed Abdul-Ahad Akbar. I panick. I text back “These niggas gone lock me up for putting money in this account. For funding terrorist, this is for a plane ticket too.” I build up the courage to put the money in the account and every time I look up the Sheriff kept starring at me.”You ever stole something before and every time you look up, somebody is looking at you with that “Im about to tell face.” So anyway, that was done.
Fast forward, Sunday no confirmation number. I got my rides set up to and from the airport. I get to the airport Monday at 6am. No confirmation number.
7:31 am txt msg. “I am @ LAX for an hour need nfo please”
7:32 am ”waiting on ****** we talk an hour ago they said they almost done” (ITINERARY) Note
9:49 am “Fwd: I’m still tryin to get Byron out…tel him be patient wit me please”
12:10 pm “Is it still a go, I’m hungry. If not I need my cake back so I can find other means. ASAP. I sent my schedule 10 days ago.”
12:23 pm “she is working on it now…waiting on space to open up. Just got off the phone with ******”
12:29 pm “ If she waiting on standby, she is wasting everybody’s time. They wont let me into the food section and once I leave the airport. Its over. I talk to *** and he might canceled me.
2:32 pm I can put you on a flight at 7…….
WTF…Ive been in the airport all day and its some Asian lady beside me breast feeding and her baby is giving me that “stop looking at my momma titty look.” And why aren’t there any Americans working at American Airlines. And did I mention the man with this lady’s outfit on.

They sent me to United Airlines which is in the back of LAX. Its so far in the back of the air port it doesn’t feel like you in L.A. I thought I was at Denver. Then I board what looks like a corvette with wings, this plane is so small. It had bunk seats. They made me check my bags cause they said my nuts were carry ons. I’m in an aisle seat and my elbow is hitting the lady titty across the aisle. Matter of fact isn’t united the plane that was hijack. Wtf were they thinking. This shit too little to hijack. I shit break can bring this bitch down.
I get on the plane the flight attendant has a speech impediment. She cant pronounce the Captain name or give the in flight instructions. Im thinking this plane aint gone make it. So I started sending out a “flight 93”text. During the whole flight it sounds like somebodys window is cracked. After 20 minutes the fear put me to sleep and I finally got to Texas at 10:30 pm…Did I mention I’m 5 hours away from my destination city without a rental car. Its 12:30 here and everything’s is close.

I will NEVER get the hook up on airline tickets……

Sun 10/18Thu 01/19

A True Fan

THIS HAPPENS WHEN YOU START MOVING UP IN THE GAME.

Its rare that someone asks you to sign their breast but when they do some questions come to mind.

1.What if Master catches us?.
2.What to write….Property of Byron Bowers….ByronBowersLive.com……Sign my name

So I just signed my name and wrote a tweet on her teet. What am I doing right now twitter? Becoming the Greatest Comedian in the WORLD. And made it long enough to reach the top of the areola.ByronBowersLive

Thanks Kimbalibra

Tue 10/13Sat 06/12

Famous Falls that I like

First, this is for all my GANGSTA’S out there with treadmills, make sure they are turned off before you try to C Walk on that shit. LOL..the flip flops got the fuck on. Then he tried to play it off and fell back on the machine and did a roll tuck. LOL