Medieval Times

I recently went to Medieval Times. For those of you who don’t know, Its a themed restaurant set during the medieval times. The “DARK AGES.” This was a time period of knights, violence, pillaging, rape and PEPSI under one roof, which apparently is a great place for kids to go enjoy a meal with the family during vacation.
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I learned that there were Mexicans during medieval times. Not only were Mexicans there, they was serving food and spoke the Queens English. I was amazed because I never met a Posh Mexican before. I didn’t know how to respond.

Mexican Server in British Accent, “Would you like some PEPSI my Lord.”
Me in southern accent, “Si Sire, me gusta un paquito PEPSI por favor.”

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My server actually got mad because I asked for a fork?
Mexican Server in British Accent, “There wasn’t any forks in Medieval Times my Lord,”
Me in southern accent, “There wasn’t any Mexicans either, Sire….Or toilets, sinks and definitely Valet Parking. How about some chopsticks?, I know they were invented then.”

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They had beautiful horses dance. They where trained to do pirouettes and they legs were full of spring and I was amazed because I never saw a horse move like that. They even had one horse Crip Walk which I assumed the horse grew up in the hood be cause It was the only horse with Corn Row Braids. AND it had long acrylic hooves that it would use to scratch the braids. On top of that the horse had an attitude because every time it received a command the horse would smack its lips and roll its neck. Then it dropped a turd right there.

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They had knights come out to compete, which I understand BUT what I found interesting is that they separated them by color. In my mind, I’m saying to myself, “This is where is starts right here, teaching the kids how to discriminate by color.” Its like Gang Banging on horses. You had yellow knight, green knight, black night and Suge Knight; which were red.

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I did not want partake in the segregation games, but the competition is when I was sucked in. See, the Yellow Knight was my knight. That’s who I was rooting for. So when the Green Knight rode his noble steed over to us. I booed, did the slit my throat gesture and yelled, “DIE….KILL YOURSELF.” Then I threw up the Y. That’s right I made a hand signal to represent my knight. The Green Knight had the most shocking look ever. Like he wanted to say, “doesn’t this guy know that this is just entertainment, who invited this Moor anyway?” For those of you who don’t know, Moors is what they called Niggas’ during the middle ages. LOL…Just kidding. Some Scholars say that Moor means “Darker Skin from across the water.” So basically what People from San Francisco call black people from Oakland. LOL

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4 thoughts on “Medieval Times

  1. Dawg this ish is soooo funny… much needed! You need to make a short story book of this and definitely use it in your shows. 🙂

  2. LOLLLLLLLLLL! The Orchid Girls can’t stop laughing! Hillarious! We are working on catching you live on this one!

    Ey

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