Body Shop Strip Club….I mean Strip Lounge

The reason I never been to the strip club in L.A. up to this point is because I’m from Atlanta, GA (STRIP CLUB CAPITAL OF THE WORLD) and I don’t want to compare and judge. Then after the show at the Hollywood Improv Friday night and I am shaking hands and some new fans are like lets go somewhere else, so we ended up at the strip club. We go to this club called the Body Shop off Sunset in Hollywood. Strip clubs are suppose to have fast music and ass should be popping and shaking everywhere. We walk in and the music is slow and classical, Im like “its awfully romantic in here.” It was half naked chicks sitting on dudes laps talking about iphone application. Im thinking “STRIP CLUB ITS MORE LIKE A STRIP LOUNGE.” A waitress popped up and said that it was a two item drink minimum and there is NO alcoholic beverages was being served. WHAT TYPE OF STRIP CLUB DONT SELL ALCOHOL, WHERE THEY DO THAT AT?…..L MUTHAF#CKIN A. So of course I ask for some Sizzurp (which is Promethazine w/Codeine,Original Sprite Soda,Jolly rancher candy) because its non alcoholic. Of course they dont have sizzurp. “Well let me get two Cokes, then.” The strippers bodies looked normal, matter of fact, I couldn’t tell who was a stripper and who was a chick coming to get a tan under these weird red lights. In the land of fake titties most of these chick here were saving up for a pair. I seen one stripper with no ass her thong was swinging side to side like a pendulum..LOL. I was on twitter the whole time…..here are some of my tweets from there

The dances at this strip are elegant. Its like a naked ballet. Its literally the Nutcracker……

Why does the strippers here have lil purses in their hands. Fake Louis and titties. Swap Meet titties

The BodyShop strip club is the cleanest strip club evr. U can eat off da strippers. WHACK!

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The Hook Up-Gone Wrong

You ever been in the airport so long the music starts over. They have played every song from the godfather trilogy and the whole score to star wars
What started as a 3 hour flight has turned to me being in the airport for a total of 18 hours. Let me start at the beginning. I was looking for a last minute ticket to Brownsville Texas for the valley night’s tour. When a friend of mine says that a friend of hers claims that a friend of his can get me a ticket. (LOL as I type this shit).
Me, “YOU Sure?”
Her,“Yeah he flys all the time”
Me, “It aint no bullshit stanby?”
Her, “Nope”
Me, Its Legit?
Already too many questions.
Her, “Yeah just give him the itinerary and and $118 dollars two days before your trip and you can fly anywhere in the world.”
Me, “Get the fuck out of here.”
Her, “Nope he in Sloupsko-Sosuvske RIGHT NOW.”
Me, “for $118” like I know where Slapso-Sosuckme is. That shit could be downtown.
So I forward here the itinerary 10 days before the flight and word got back to get him the money Saturday. Two days before the flight. A week and a day go by and I send a text to dropped the money off. Because I heard nothing of a confirmation number or nothing with two days left before the flight. I get a text back to take the money to Wells Fargo and they would send me the account number when I get in the bank. Make sure you know people real name before u do business with them. Because I get in the bank and I received the account number and the name Ahmed Abdul-Ahad Akbar. I panick. I text back “These niggas gone lock me up for putting money in this account. For funding terrorist, this is for a plane ticket too.” I build up the courage to put the money in the account and every time I look up the Sheriff kept starring at me.”You ever stole something before and every time you look up, somebody is looking at you with that “Im about to tell face.” So anyway, that was done.
Fast forward, Sunday no confirmation number. I got my rides set up to and from the airport. I get to the airport Monday at 6am. No confirmation number.
7:31 am txt msg. “I am @ LAX for an hour need nfo please”
7:32 am ”waiting on ****** we talk an hour ago they said they almost done” (ITINERARY) Note
9:49 am “Fwd: I’m still tryin to get Byron out…tel him be patient wit me please”
12:10 pm “Is it still a go, I’m hungry. If not I need my cake back so I can find other means. ASAP. I sent my schedule 10 days ago.”
12:23 pm “she is working on it now…waiting on space to open up. Just got off the phone with ******”
12:29 pm “ If she waiting on standby, she is wasting everybody’s time. They wont let me into the food section and once I leave the airport. Its over. I talk to *** and he might canceled me.
2:32 pm I can put you on a flight at 7…….
WTF…Ive been in the airport all day and its some Asian lady beside me breast feeding and her baby is giving me that “stop looking at my momma titty look.” And why aren’t there any Americans working at American Airlines. And did I mention the man with this lady’s outfit on.

They sent me to United Airlines which is in the back of LAX. Its so far in the back of the air port it doesn’t feel like you in L.A. I thought I was at Denver. Then I board what looks like a corvette with wings, this plane is so small. It had bunk seats. They made me check my bags cause they said my nuts were carry ons. I’m in an aisle seat and my elbow is hitting the lady titty across the aisle. Matter of fact isn’t united the plane that was hijack. Wtf were they thinking. This shit too little to hijack. I shit break can bring this bitch down.
I get on the plane the flight attendant has a speech impediment. She cant pronounce the Captain name or give the in flight instructions. Im thinking this plane aint gone make it. So I started sending out a “flight 93”text. During the whole flight it sounds like somebodys window is cracked. After 20 minutes the fear put me to sleep and I finally got to Texas at 10:30 pm…Did I mention I’m 5 hours away from my destination city without a rental car. Its 12:30 here and everything’s is close.

I will NEVER get the hook up on airline tickets……